#23: 致每个美丽的你 / You are beautiful

在 2016 结束前，想认真地回顾过去生活如何。

其实想回顾的原因并不是因为我特别怀念过去，但每一年快要结束的时候，我都会让自己静下心来回想这一年里发生的许许多多的事，然后用一种即淡然又期待的心情，迎接新的一年。

认真的说起来，要说 2016 是个好年，还挺难以启齿的，因为这一年，确实发生了许多不太美好的事情。

但是，其实想一想，如果这些不美好的事没有发生，我又怎么可能会去发现到，生活还有很多美好的人事物等着我去找寻呢？

特别想提关于 Appreciation Post 的故事。其实我为什么会开始进行这个 Appreciation Post 的活动，并不是因为看到别人也在做所以跟风，纯粹是因为发生了一些不怎么开心的事。

你现在应该很好奇吧，明明很不开心你还可以笑着说珍惜？当然我相信每件事都有一个，从伤心到绝望，再从绝望到释怀的过程，或许就是释怀之后才学会更懂得珍惜爱我的人。

但是其实我哭了很久，大概两个月吧。并不是在逃避，也不是在解决问题，因为有些问题根本没有解决的方法，今年很深刻的学到了不是所有的努力都有结果的。

那既然哭泣没有办法改变或解决什么，为什么还要哭呢？因为我不想再压抑了，我不想成为一个伤心却哭不出的人了，我不想做一个连自己的情绪都不敢面对的胆小鬼。

后来就在某一天，我仿佛听到内心发出的声音，在对我说，“哭够了，是时候画上句点，与其去为已经发生的事和已经失去的人而感到难过，不如好好珍惜陪在你身边的，珍惜那些愿意对你用心，愿意疼你爱你的人吧！”

后来我发现，曾经很心痛的，已经不那么痛了；曾经很在乎的，好像也没那么在乎了；曾经让人无法接受的，也慢慢学着接受了；曾经很害怕的，好像也变得不怎么可怕了。

到后来发现，其实痛苦并不是最可怕的，可怕的是自己的想象。把不美好的事，想像成巨大的不美好，让你真正害怕的并不是事情本身，而是你对此事所做出的可怕想象。

但是，你知道吗，如果你也愿意试一试，在这一些不怎么美好的事发生后，去想一想你还有什么值得珍惜的，值得感谢的，值得欣慰的，值得去爱的，心就不会再那么沉重了，日子就会是快乐超越伤感，幸福多于哀伤。

你很美丽，你不需要让挫折摧毁你，而是帮你成长。

你很美丽，你不需要让那些不爱你的人决定你要过怎么样的生活，而是变得更坚强。

你很美丽，你不需要因为别人的否定就怀疑自己是不是不够好，而是活得更漂亮。

生活有时挺艰难的，要一直保持乐观，要一直充满正能量，其实也不是件容易的事。所以有机会开心的时候就不要错过，因为人生最重要的，莫过于学会开心的过生活，即使生活疲惫，即使无人理解，即使挫折源源不绝，我们都不要抱怨，而是去感谢，感谢那个愿意听你发牢骚的人，感谢那个让你笑到断肠的人，感谢那个陪着你流泪的人，感谢那个对你不离不弃的人，也感谢那个一直爱着自己的你。

2016 年还有四天就结束了，如果你现在还想要抱怨生活有多么的不顺利，你就告诉自己你不会一直那么不顺利，总有一天，你可以过着你想过的那种生活，我相信你，也请你相信自己。

我们都独一无二，我们都很美丽，我们都值得被爱，值得拥有美好，值得彼此珍惜。

祝福每个美丽的你，2017 年过得更好，更快乐，更幸福，更懂得爱自己，也更懂得爱别人。

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Before 2016 ends, I just want to take this moment to reflect how my life have been.

The reason that I want to look back is not because I want to go back to the past, but just want to take a moment of silence, to think about what have I actually gone through this year, then move on to welcome the following year.

To be honest, it's very hard for me to say that 2016 is a good year, because there are actually many unhappy moments in this year.

But if all these unhappy incidents never happen, I might not realize that there are still lots of wonderful people and things that are awaiting for me to find out.

Just want to share with you all something about Appreciation Post. The reason that I started this activity, it's not because others are doing it, it's because of some terrible incident that I've encountered.

You might be very curious, how would I even started writing the so called Appreciation Post if I am unhappy? I actually believe that there's a stage in life that you will feel sad and hopeless, and at the end you will learn to let go, and I think I've learnt how to appreciate those who love me after experiencing all those unhappiness.

I've actually cried for quite a long period, for about two months I guess! I'm not trying to run away from problems, neither am I trying to fix it, because you know, not every problem can be fixed, so what I've truly learnt this year is that, not everything that you work hard for will pay off.

Since crying can't change nor fix any problem, why would I be so stupid to choose crying for such a long period? Because I do not want to suppress my feeling anymore, I do not want to be a person who can't even drop a tear when you are feeling sad, I don't want to be someone who is afraid to face their own emotions.

There was one day when I was alone, there's a voice in my heart saying, "Enough of crying girl, it's time to stop living like this, instead of being sad for what had already happened and for the people that had left you, why not appreciate and love those who are there for you!"

Then I realized, those heartaches are gone; those who I've once cared too much for, I don't even bother to care for them anymore; the things that seems so hard to accept, I've slowly learnt to accept it all; and the things that I've once so so so afraid of, it all turns out to be not that scary anymore.

Painful things that might happened in life is not that scary, your imagination is way more horrible than the incident itself. 

Maybe we can all try to think about, what is worth to be appreciated, to be grateful, and to be loved, when those hurtful things happened in your life. Maybe when you do this, you will be more light-hearted, and your life will be filled with more happiness.

You are beautiful, you don't need to allow those setbacks in life to destroy you, but to help you grow.
You are beautiful, you don't need to allow those who doesn't love you to decide how you should live your life, but to become stronger.
You are beautiful, you don't need to doubt yourself just because people disagree with you, but to live more happily than ever.
You know, you are beautiful just the way you are.

Life is quite tough at times, it's actually not an easy task to always stay optimistic and positive at all times. So when you have the chance to experience the true happiness in life, don't miss it! Because I always feel that the most important lesson in life is to learn how to be happy, even there are some points in life that you will feel super duper exhausted, not being understood by others, and encountering tons of obstacles and problems. Don't complain about the bad things in your life, one day you will look back and feel grateful that these things actually happened. Be grateful, for the people who listen to all your complaints, for the one who makes you laugh like there's no tomorrow, for the person who will cry with you when you are sad, for the ones who never leave you alone, and thank yourself, for never stop loving yourself.

Four more days to the end of 2016. If you are at the point in your life where everything seems to go wrong and nothing is right, just tell yourself it won't remain the same forever, someday, you will be able to live the life just the way you want it to be, and I believe in you, so please, have faith in yourself!

We are all special, and we are all beautiful, we are all worthy to be loved, worthy to embrace beautiful things in life, and to be appreciated.

Best wishes to every beautiful YOU, may your 2017 will be even better, happier, may you learn to love yourself more, and to love those who are around you.

Love,
Shiau Zhen 

#22: 关于学习这件事 / It's all about learning

教育对你来说是什么？为了在四五年的大学生涯里得到一张文凭而挣扎的过程？还是上了两三个小时的课却还是不知道自己到底学了什么？又或者是为了找一份高薪的工作，就凭自己有一张学士或博士的学位？

在这 21 世纪的时代，社会变得越来越现实的时代，教育变得越来越重要了。很多人就算毕业于名校却还是失业，这其中想要传达的是什么呢？当然这背后一定有很多的因素，可能是因为经济不景气，可能是因为你的态度和行为让人无法忍受，也可能是因为你无法说一口流利的英文，还有很多其他的原因。

让人受不了的其实是那些凭借着 “有学士学位的人还不是一样找不到好工作而无法养活自己” 的借口来表达他们觉得教育根本不重要的心态。这根本就是胡说中的胡说，废话中的废话。

就因为别人找不到工作不代表教育不重要，当然我并不是在说教育是唯一通往成功的方法。绝对不是。但是对我而言，教育绝对不只是上大学，随便应付考试，抱着那种对自己到底学习了什么也不予理会的态度。

教育绝对不止是这样，而是更多。是一种从经验，从挫折，从沟通中学习的一个过程，而不只是去背诵你的讲师要你背诵的东西而你根本就不明白你在背什么，这样真的很毫无意义，是一种时间，精力与金钱的挥霍，若真的是如此，那我建议你把那些金钱，时间和精力都花在那些需要帮助的人，或许你还有机会学习与获得更宝贵的收获。

你有没有试过问自己这样一个问题，一个很简单却让很多人都无法说出答案的问题。在一天即将要结束的时候，扪心自问，“今天我学到了什么？” 我常常都在问我自己这个看似简单，却很重要的问题。

每晚在睡觉之前，我一定会与自己对话 （虽然这样听起来像足个神经病但我无所谓），“从这项任务中，我学会了什么，我还能学到更多吗？”。然后我就发现，其实生活里有很多事情是值得我们去学习的，但这取决于你对学习的热忱，你能够在过程中察觉出自己能够学习什么，而不止是把所有的焦点都只放在最终的结果。

身为学生的我们，最终目标当然是希望可以得到那张文凭，进而找到一份高薪的好工作，但你知道吗，把我们塑造成今天的我们的绝对不是那张文凭，而是从进入大学生涯一直到最后得到文凭的这个过程，才是你最应该看重的，也就是我之前所提到的，“学习”。

有一种老师是让我觉得最可恨的，就是那种拼命的要你读却没让你明白你到底在读什么，或是那种狗眼看人低的老师，瞧不起那些在课业上没有良好表现的学生。拜托，身为一个老师不单单只是要他们顺利通过考试和完成功课而已，你最主要的目的应该是帮他们寻找，他们所做的一切的意义是什么，让他们培养学习的热忱与快乐，在他们寻找自己是谁，思考他们可以成为什么样的人的过程中，陪他们一同成长，而不是只想要他们成为你心目中的那个样子！

但事实就是，有些老师真的很令人失望，因为他们从来就不明白自己在传授着什么，所以他们很不合理的要求学生在考试的时候写出和练习题里一模一样的答案。因为他们自己无法理解所要传授的知识，所以就会对学生说 “先欠着你们啊”，然后就不把它当作一回事的忘得一干二净。

这样的老师确实令人挺失望的，但这不代表我们无法从他们身上学习，至少他们的存在让我们养成了独立学习的习惯。所以，不要再为自己找借口说，因为老师不懂得教所以我才什么都没有吸收到。

如果真是这样的话，你跟那些老师有什么差别呢，还不是一样喜欢为自己找借口。谁说你从他们身上学不到一丝半点？如果你拥有想要学习的渴望，谁都无法阻止你。所以我想要表达的到底是什么？即使你无法改变那造成你学习上的困扰的学校制度，你还是可以选择改变你看事情的角度，去寻找值得你学习的一切。

对我来说，这才是教育的核心，鼓励孩子要不停的学习，在他们个人的成长与发展中帮助他们。

不要停止学习，即使你已经大学毕业了，因为学习绝对是这世上最美好的事情，是一件不会让你后悔的事情，是学习，让你变成今时今日的你。

唯一受过教育的人类，是那些学会如何去学习与改变的。所以就算你真的没有上大学的机会，其实也真的不是一件很严重的事，因为只要你从来都没有想过要放弃学习，从来都不抗拒生命中的变化，你就称得上是个受过教育的人，即使别人否定你。

我们都别放弃学习的机会。学会在帮助那些需要帮助的人的时候感到开心与感恩，学会去理解自己所阅读的东西而不只是带过，学会深度思考而不是人云亦云，学会勇敢的尝试新事物，从中吸取那些金钱所无法兑换的宝贵经验。最后，要为了自己有学习的能力与机会而感到快乐，尤其是那些有机会上大学受教育的人，因为不是每个人都有这么难得的机会，所以拥有了，就不要随意挥霍。

要学习怎么快乐，也要为能够学习而感到快乐。对我来说，两者，一样重要。

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What is education for you? To obtain your certificate after four to five years of struggling to pass your examinations and final year project in a university? Or listening to the lectures for two to three hours and came out feeling like you have learnt nothing? Or to find a more decent job that would pay you a higher salary because you got a degree or master qualifications?

Education is very essential as the society has turn out to be more and more realistic in this 21^st century. Many people are being unemployed, even though they had graduated from some well-known institutions, so what does it trying to imply? Of course there are a lot of reasons behind this, maybe it’s because the economic is very bad, maybe people can’t stand with your attitude and behavior, maybe you can’t speak in English fluently, and many other reasons.

But some people are trying to say that education is not even important as you can see people who had a Degree can’t even afford to make a living. This is the best BULLSHIT I have ever heard of.

Just because people couldn’t find a job doesn’t mean that education is not important, of course I’m not trying to say that education is the only way for you to succeed in your life. NO. But for me, education is not only about entering a college and simply passing your examination without even bother to know what you have actually learnt.

It’s beyond that. It’s about learning through experiences, through hardships, through communication, and not just memorizing what the lecturers ask you to memorize without even understanding what’s that, it is just so pointless, a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of money, if this is the case, I would suggest that you better donate the money to the poor and spend your time and energy in helping those who are in need, at least you will learn and gain something from it.

So, have you ever asked yourself this question, it’s just a very simple question yet many people can’t even answer it. At the end of a day just try to ask yourself, “What have I learnt today?” Yes, and this is the question that I constantly ask myself.

Every night before I go to bed I will surely talk to myself (this sounds like crazy but who cares), “What I have learnt through this project, and what else can I learn some more?”. And I realized that, there’s actually many things that you can learn in life and it depends on your passion in learning, to be able to see the things that you may learn in the process, and not just the desired end result.

And so, our final goals as a student is to get the certificate so that we can obtain a better job, with a higher income, but you know, what shapes you to become who you are today is not the certificate, it’s the process from entering into the college until you finally got the cert, THAT PROCESS, is the most significant thing that you should look at, and it is what I’ve mentioned earlier, “Learning”.

There’s a type of teacher that I dislike the most, which is those who asks you to read without understanding, or those who look down at people who can’t perform well in their studies. Please, to be a teacher is not just to help them to pass the examinations and assignments, your primary objective is to help them to find meaning in what they do, help them to develop the passion and happiness in learning, and grow with them in the process of finding who they are, and who they can be, and not what you want them to be!

However, some teachers just disappoint me so much, because they never understand what they are teaching and so they want the students to write the answers as similar as the answers provided by them during the tutorials. And because they themselves do not understand, they will excuse themselves with a statement like “I owe you” and just forgetting about it the next day.

It’s kind of disappointing to know some teachers like that, but it doesn’t mean you can’t learn anything from them, because their existence helps you to learn how to be independent in learning. Yes, so don’t create excuses like, the teacher is so useless that I can’t even learn anything from him/her.

If that’s the case, you are also trying to bullshit hah! Who says you can’t learn from them? If you have a strong desire to learn, no one can stop you. So what’s the point that I’m trying to make? If you can’t change the school system which causes you trouble in learning, still you can choose to change the perceptions you look at things and find out what you can learn.

For me, that’s the core of education, to encourage your students to learn nonstop, and to help them in their personal growth and development.

Don’t stop learning, even when you have graduated from the college, because learning is the best thing ever in this world, that you wouldn’t regret doing it, that makes you who you are, today.

Lastly, let me quote this from Carl Rogers, “the only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” And so if you never had the opportunity of entering the college, it’s fine, because as long as you never stop learning and never resist to change, you are educated.

Let’s not give up in learning as much as possible. Learn to be happy and grateful when you are helping the needy, learn to understand what you are reading and not just merely reading without knowing what’s that, learn to think critically and not just think like how everybody else did, learn to be courageous to try out something new and gain experiences that you can’t buy with money. And, lastly, be happy that you are able to learn, especially for those who has the opportunity to enter college for a proper education, because not everyone has the chance, and now you got the chance, don’t waste it.

Learn to be happy, and be happy to learn. For me, it’s equally important.