#29: 你值得拥有更好的

曾经有人跟我说过这句，“你值得拥有更好的”。当时，我怀疑了。我在想，这是真的吗？如果我真的值得，为何每次下场都是被抛弃。

当时怎么想都想不通，后来干脆不想了。选择用忙碌来麻醉自己，让自己变得非常强大，让自己成为自己最强的后盾，让自己强得别人伤不起。

后来有人对我说，“爱自己，不一定要让自己变得那么强大，可以是简单的爱自己”。当时，我很感动，却还是迟疑了。

我在想，我真的可以不用那么强大吗？如果我不够强大，我可以靠谁？如果我不够强大，那么那些不安全感该怎么办，因为他们说，安全感这种东西，只有自己能给自己。

现在，虽然知道自己值得拥有更好的，但是偶尔还是会很害怕。会又再被伤害吗，会又再被抛弃吗，会又再被人用完就丢吗？

那天我用匿名的方式问了一个问题，我问，要怎么才能让害怕被抛弃的念头影响自己，要怎么样不为此而害怕前进？

她回答我说，你只能相信自己是值得拥有一个好男人，不然，你就会一直遇到抛弃你的烂男人。

把这句话听进心坎里，我想再次相信，自己值得更好的。如果你也和我一样，不断的质疑自己是不是不够好，请和我一起从现在开始，相信自己。

你绝对值得拥有，比那个选择离开的人，好一万倍的 Mr Right! :)

#28: 角度 / Perspective

其实很多事情没有绝对的对与错，而在于你从哪一个角度去看待与思考某件事情。

这是我一直坚信的，或许会被一些人认为是没主见，但我始终觉得，很多时候，为了谁对谁错而争吵不休，是件很消耗体力，又破坏感情的事。

我常常会给一个例子。一个人站在左边，而另一个人站在他的对面。其中一个人看到了 '6', 而另外一个则看到了 '9'。他们两个，都没有错，只是看事情的角度不一样而已。

只是人们常常认为，别人与我们的意见相左就代表别人是错的。

生活，从多面的角度去看待，或许就不会陷入纠结里，走不出来。不管是学业，事业，家庭，感情，还是任何事都好，当我们与别人意见不合的时候，不妨去了解他是从哪个角度看待此事，我想，或许我们就不会活得如此疲惫。

懂得从别人的角度去看待问题，我相信总比一意孤行的执着更好。

不想说那么多，纯粹想分享。最后呢，无论你看事情的角度是什么，我都希望你们永远幸福，开心！:)

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There's no definite right or wrong, it depends on the perspective that you look at certain things.

This is what I always believe and hold on to. For me, it's very tiring to argue with someone for what is right and wrong.

I always use this example when talking about this topic. There are two guys who stands opposite to each other, one of them sees number 6, and another 9. Both are right, it's just how they look at it.

But people always think that others are wrong when their opinion is different from our opinions.

Maybe we can try to look at things from different perspective, especially at times when people have different opinions. Maybe we can try to understand instead of fighting with each other to prove that we are right. We aren't always the right one.

Anyway, no matter what type of perspective you look at things, I wish you guys will always be happy! 

Lots of love, 

SZ

#27: 别等失去后才懂珍惜

我还记得中五的时候，第一次因为要离别而泪流不止的画面。

也记得在今年，又因为离别而默默在房里看着信流着泪的画面。

同样是离别，不同的只是人物，场面，和面对离别时，我所表现出来的态度。

三年前人家对我说，没关系的，毕业以后还是可以再见面；
三年后的今年，换我对别人说，没关系的，还是可以约出来见面聊天。

并不是不难过，并不是没有舍不得，并不是那么洒脱，毕竟我只不过是一个 20 岁的女生。
面对离别，难免会有复杂的心情，只是不一样的是，我已经不再像三年前那样大哭，而是选择淡淡的给予拥抱，给予最深的祝福。

后来，我开始慢慢的学会，离别，是成长的一部分，没有人有办法避免。
于是，我带着满满的祝福，豁达的心态，去面对每段离别。

让人舍不得的是，即使知道以后我们还是可以见面，只是在没有你的日子里，真的会很怀念。
怀念那些只有我们懂而别人都不了解的对话。
怀念那个一感到闷了就可以去找的人。
怀念那种不知道在笑什么但是听到你笑我也很想笑的时光。
怀念那些一起嘴贱的时光。

我很珍惜你们，很珍惜你们所带给我的每一份欢乐，感动，和让我成长的每段话。
朋友，别等失去后才懂珍惜，因为那种后悔，或许是你最不愿意承受的。
但我很庆幸你们来到我生命里，我不后悔，因为我一直以来，都很珍惜你们啊 :) <3

#26: 不后悔 / No Regrets

偶尔会在夜深人静的时候，回想曾经发生的所有事情，遇见的人，不管他们现在是否还在身边。

不知道你们对此做法会有什么想法，但对我而言，这是一种让我学会珍惜当下的方式。当下很重要，但若不是过去的那些人事物，怎么会有现在的我们呢。

有时候看到类似 “有什么让你后悔或遗憾的事吗” 这种话题，我都会很认真地思考一番。或许在发生不愉快的事情的那个当下，曾经后悔过，恨自己为何那么冲动，或是恨自己为何不勇敢一点，但后来在回顾过去的时候，我知道所有发生的事，和没发生的事，都是最好的安排，没有什么好遗憾的。

就像，

有时不经意地对最爱的人说狠话，事后会后悔，但是隔一段时间却不知不觉的和好了，才发现原来最爱自己的人，就是愿意包容你，原谅你，不计前嫌的那个人。所以不要后悔，因为他让你看清了谁最值得你珍惜。

有时遇到了一个人，你以为他是你生命中的唯一，于是你爱上了他，最后你们却分开了。或许一开始你会后悔爱上他，可能过一阵子又再后悔为何那么轻易放手。但是你会发现在爱着他的时候你得到了不少，在离开了之后你学会了坚强。所以不要后悔，因为若不是他，你也不会是现在的你，而现在的你，我相信一定很美好，只要你也愿意相信自己很好。

或许我们来到这世上，就是一场不断学习的旅程，不断的吸取经验，不断的有新的领悟和体会。或许我们每个人都曾做过让自己后悔的事，但我想到最后，我们都会发现，这一切，终将成就我们，而不是击垮我们。

我不后悔认识你，爱过你，恨过你，甚至离开你。因为你，让我找到我自己。所以，真心的感谢你。

愿与所有人共勉之。

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Sometimes I think about everything happened in the past, everyone that I've met, regardless of whether they are still with me or not.

For me, it's my way of learning to appreciate and cherish the here and now. It's very important to live in the present, but I guess I won't be who I am today without the past.

There are times where I came across some articles like, "Is there anything that makes you regretful", I will spend some time to reflect on it. Maybe I have regretted at the moment when the incident happened, I hated myself for being impulsive, or for not being brave enough to do something I would like to do. But when I looked back, I know there's a reason for everything that had happened, and had not happened, and therefore, I have no regrets.

We might have hurt our loved ones with our words and actions, and later regret for doing it. But you reconcile with this person just a little while after you have hurt him/her. And you finally came to realize that they are those who love you the most, and they are willing to accept our flaws and forgive us for hurting them. So no regrets, because they helped us to understand who is the one who deserves to be appreciated.

You might have met someone and thought that they are your "one and only one", you fell in love with this person, but at the end, you break up with him/her like you thought you won't in the first place. You might regret for being in love with this person, and later, you might regret for breaking up with this person. But after all, you reflect on what you've learned when you are with him/her, and turned to be a stronger person when he/she is not with you anymore. So no regrets, if it wasn't him/her, you won't be who you are today, and I believe that, the present YOU, are beautiful, as long as you are willing to believe in yourself that you are, indeed, so beautiful.

Maybe we came to this world, to learn, to experience, to feel and grow in our own unique ways. Maybe we have regrets, but at the end, we may realize that all these happened, to make us a better person, but not to defeat us.

I have no regrets for knowing you, loved and hated you, and even left you. Because, it is you, who helped me to find myself. And therefore, I thank you, with all my heart.

Love,
SZ :)

#25: 一些你不知道的事 / Something you never knew

有些事情，终究只藏在心底，从没告诉你。

就好像明明很喜欢的人，却总是装潇洒装冷漠。

就好像明明很讨厌的人，却总是装亲切装熟悉。

就好像明明心里很开心，却摆出一副平淡不在意的样子。

就好像明明心里很难过，却摆出一副 “我没事” 的样子。

这些人真的很奇怪吧？或许你从来都不知道为什么，或许你会觉得他们虚假，其实，那只是因为，真实的他们很珍贵，只留给最值得的人。

而最值得的人，从来就不会只是用眼睛去看他们做的事，用耳朵去听他们说的话，用嘴巴去评论他们应该怎么感受。

“你应该要感到开心才对，多少人想要这个机会都没有！”

“这没什么好难过的，你何必那么伤心呢？”

“为了这点小事，有什么好发脾气的？”

有没有觉得这些话都很熟悉，好像曾经在哪里听过，又好像曾经对谁说过？

但我们凭什么，在别人难过或愤怒的时候告诉他不应该有这种感受，好像在给他的感受判罪，好像除了开心以外，人类不应该有其他的情绪。

或许也因为这样，才总是在最爱的人面前，展现最丑陋的一面，而把最好的都献给了那些不懂得自己的陌生人。

为什么？你可能又想评论，这种人真的很糟糕。但，他们真的很糟糕吗？还是因为这社会，总是不断地在教会他们，你的难过和愤怒都不要给陌生人看见，因为这样很危险，很危险...？

我们说话变得小心翼翼，我们累了也不敢吭声，我们难过却面带微笑，我们愤怒却忍气吞声。最后，我们被别人赞赏，被别人喜欢。而我们，却也离自己好远，忘了自己到底是谁，忘了自己想成为什么样的人，只知道只要不被别人评价，怎样都好。

如果我们不再评价别人，也不再被人评价贴标签，我们是不是更有可能，在喜欢的人面前表现亲切，在讨厌的人面前表现冷漠，开心的时候可以大笑，伤心的时候就痛快的哭一场呢？

是否如果少了这些无谓的评价，我们才更能面对自己的情绪，我们才能活出真实自我，不用害怕别人怎么说呢？

我想或许吧，但这些，都是你从来都不知道的事。

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There are some stories remain untold, which we had always kept it within ourselves.

Just like acting cool and unconcerned in front of the person we like.

Just like acting so close and intimate in front of the person we dislike.

Just like we acted as if we have no feelings even we felt so happy inside.

Just like we always show them the "I'm okay" face when deep down, we are not okay.

These people are really weird. You might not know why, you might think they are fake, but you never know how precious are their true colors, and it's only for those who deserve.

And those who deserve them, will never just use their eyes to look at what they had done, their ears to listen to what they have said, and their lips to comment and judge how they should feel.

"You should feel happy, you know how many people did not even have the opportunity and yet you got it!"

"This totally has nothing to be sad for, why should you even feel so sad?"

"Why are you so angry over this tiny matter?"

Don't you think all the verses above are very familiar? Seems like you heard it from somewhere, or had once told somebody the same thing.

But who we are to judge them, and tell them they shouldn't feel sad or angry when they actually are feeling all those emotions deep inside.

This might be one of the reasons why we always show the ugliest side to our loved ones, and give the best to the strangers.

Why? Maybe you feel like they are so terrible, how could they? But, are they really terrible? Or maybe it's because of this harsh society, which taught them not to show their true colors to the strangers, because it's so damn dangerous...?

We tend to be very cautious when talking to others, we dare not say anything when we feel tired, we smiled when we are actually unhappy, and we did not even dare to say a single word when we feel angry. People likes us, for being "nice". In the end, you felt like you are so far away from yourself, you forgot who you are, who you want to be, and all you know is to be someone who will not be judged by anyone, that's all you wanted from this world.

What if we stop judging people, what if we finally aren't being judged, is it possible that, we can show our concern to our loved ones, and vice versa to those whom we disliked, we could laugh so hard when we feel happy, and cry out loud when we are sad?

Without all those stupid judgments, could we be able to face our own emotions better, to be authentic, and not be afraid of what others would say about us?

Yeah, perhaps we could, but all these things, are something you never knew, and will never know.

#24: If You Want to Know Who I Really Am

A few days ago, I read an article from Thought Catolog, titled “50 Questions to ask a girl if you want to know who she really is”. Hmm, I’m not sure if anyone out there wants to know who I really am, but well, if not, I might as well just answer these 50 questions to have a better understanding of myself! So let’s get right into these Q&A session!

1) What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

I can’t be too specific on this because, I just can’t tell the whole world about this as it’s too personal, but it’s because someone who is not meant for me had left, I guess we will be stronger only if we have experienced hurt before. So in short, yes, I’ve experienced that hurt by someone whom I loved very deeply before, and at the end of the day I’m truly thankful for everything that happened and those who had left because I believe that I’ve become a stronger person through all these painful experiences.

2) What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

When the person I care the most, left.

3) Where is one place you feel most like yourself?

My home, the best place for me to be myself, without hiding who I really am.

4) Where is your favorite place to escape to?

It depends on the reason I’m escaping! If I felt disturbed inside, I might choose to go to Church.  If not, then maybe it’s my home, or even beach. It really needs to depend on the situation.

5) Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?

My Add maths teacher for sure! I don’t think I will be able to realize how important it is to love ourselves first before we can love others better. Back to my high school days, I was a girl who care way too much for other people’s feelings and put myself last, and I was so stressed out because of results, I couldn’t bear the way how people treated me like a “God” because every time when my result drops by one mark, everyone will be like “what happened to me?” that kind of pressure. She made me realized that, yes, being on the top will make me so damn lonely at times, but I shall take it easy, and not let this affect the way I view myself.

6) If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

Maybe I would like to remove the eye bags and dark circle! Haha!

7) If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

I will go to Church with my family and pray for the one last time. 

8) What decade do you feel you most belong in?

Maybe it’s the old people decade. Hahaha!

9) Who are you closest to in your family? Why?

I guess it will be a little bit hurtful if I answer this question by simply saying anyone from my family members. Erm, I’m very close to my parents and also siblings. Why? Because they love and care for me a lot, and they show it with actions. 

10) Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

Add Maths teacher! Haha!

11) What is your favorite quality about your best friend?

Being honest, and sincere.

12) When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

When I was younger, I seriously thought that I will become an artiste when I grew up, either a singer or actress, hahaha!

13) If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

Elsa from Frozen? Haha!

14) Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?

Well, I don’t hate compliments, I will just say ‘thank you’ whenever someone compliments me, but I will only accept those which are sincere.

15) Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?

Non-Physical!

16) What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

Err, lips maybe.

17) What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

Personality. 

18) Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not really!

19) Do you believe in soul mates?

Yes, I do.

20) How seriously do you take horoscopes?

Ok, I did watch some videos that talk about horoscopes, and maybe some passage, but I won’t believe in it 100%. I just pick the point that seems quite true, and ignore those which I think isn’t true. 

21) Have you ever been in love? How many times?

Once maybe.

22) What makes you fall in love with someone?

Their personality. Whether it’s because they are humorous, or they are caring, or they are hardworking, I don’t really mind how they look like, what I care is really all about their attitudes and behaviors, and how they treat people in life. I don’t really set much standards, maybe it’s all about having indescribable feelings towards that special someone? I don’t know. But personality, matters a lot for me.

23) What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

Feeling dead and meaningless even when you’re alive. The ability to make me vulnerable? It’s so dangerous to reveal the answer here! OMG! Haha, but, erm, yeah, maybe you can choose to treat me as if I’m everything that you got, and leave without a word when I’ve completely trusted you.

24) What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

Have you ever regretted knowing me?

25) If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

Maybe I will go and shop for male’s attire. And wear it. And see how many girls I manage to tackle!

26) What do you find most attractive about each sex?

For male, maybe it’s when they laughed genuinely, and I find that very attractive and cute. And also when you see them trying to protect something or someone that they are passionate about. Humorous and passionate about life, these two qualities for males make me feel that they are super attractive.

For female, maybe it’s when they are being sensitive to other people’s feelings, they care for other’s emotions, and they are not self-centered. And girls that have their own life, makes me feel they are very attractive. For example, they won’t wait for someone’s message for the whole day, and they won’t overthink just because that person did not reply. They have a life!

27) What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?

Human behavior, personality, and how to deal with different types of people.

28) What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

Travel all around the world

29) Why haven’t you done it yet?

Now might not be the right timing, and secondly is, I still haven’t save enough to do this. But I will work hard, and I will do it someday!

30) If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?

Maybe I will play with kids. Hahaha!

31) If you had off from work today, what would you do?

Go home if there’s no appointment with friends.

32) What was the last thing that made you cry?

That session during the camp, few days ago. Haha! 

33) What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Erm, I disturb my dad non-stop until he said I kiampa! HAHAHA!

34) What is your favorite memory?

Being the monitor of 5A1 and every moment spent with them, no matter it’s in the classroom, or during gathering, would be one of my favorite memories that I might never forget.

35) What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?

Wanted to reply my dad’s message but sent it to my boss!!! (You know who you are, hahaha!)

36) What is your biggest fear?

Fear of being abandoned by the loved ones.

37) Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?

For now, I don’t think I have any regrets because I always believe that no matter what happened, it always happens for a good reason, and at the end of the day, you will see it as a great chance of learning, of becoming a better person. Nothing bad!

38) Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break?

Broken law takda la, broken rules got la! Erm, not really interested in breaking laws though.

39) What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Taking 6 subjects in one semester, for twice. Gila betul, so memorable I can’t forget the experience. Stress like hell!

40) Would you have a conversation with a stranger?

Yes! If they need listeners, I will definitely do this.

41) Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?

I WILL!

42) What’s your favourite joke?

No idea man! Anything funny la ok. It’s very easy to make me laugh. (If you’re not someone I dislike, haha!)

43) Are you a dog person or a cat person?

Neither a dog person nor a cat person, but if I were to choose one, dogs then!

44) If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

Horse!

45) What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?

Don’t have I think.

46) How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

Cute.

47) If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?

I enjoy my current life so much that I seldom think of going back to the past. I just want to live in the present.

48) What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?

I don’t think there’s one thing that everyone believes in? But I believe in God.

49) What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

Personality. You may say that we have the same personality, but I bet there will be some differences. Because everyone is unique in their own ways.

50) What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

Nope, I feel contented with my life.